Crud’s Compost Corner

By |December 17th, 1989|0 Comments

Published in Macher fanzine – issue 4

WHILST attempting suicide by smoking I seek inspiration on what to write for my fourth Compost Corner. And of course Crudmas is with us once again, a time to get pissed, stand at the back of the church when listening to Midnight Mass shout ‘Who Are you Giving one this Christmas vicar?’

A time to go carol singing and to piss down the letterbox when the occupant tells you to fuck off.A time to stuff yourself to the point of bursting and smear shit all over the TV screen as the Queen gives her speech (which is a load of shit every year anyway).

Regular Macherites will know I spent the summer in the South West working in a pub learning how to abuse tourists. I’ve concluded that there is nothing worse than the British tourist, they must be the most ill mannered pompous twats I’ve ever met.

Bands? Well 4Q have had a lot of confusion via the press! (or people who contacted the press-M). We should be gigging again by the time you read this so read ‘Sounds’ or ‘Kerrang’ for dates. I think U Thant and The Crumblowers are the first two Welsh bands to give me a hard on since I had a shower with Sion Sebon (he should never have bent over to pick up the soap).

As for English bands I can’t find anything promising, but in Scotland, Political Asylum are worth an earwig. CRUD 8 should be out by now so order a copy taday! If you want to subscribe, send £2 with your address and you’ll get the next five issues.

A quick carol: Good King Crudlas-las of Colwyn Bay, Had a good crap every day, Then one day he crapped so hard, His bum was sore so he soothed it with lard.

Thank you, goodnight and God bless. I love you all, see you in Macher 5. Drive home safely now!

Crud’s Compost Corner

By |August 17th, 1989|0 Comments

Published in Macher fanzine – issue 3
When Crud buyers from the West counties of Devon, Cornwall and Somerset moaned in their letters about having nothing to do, I used to dismiss their claims and state that North Wales is by far a more yawning, boring place. At time of writing I have spent a month in Somerset and fuck me, NOTHING happens here.
If it wasn’t for the sheep I’d have left on my first day. Because there is little to do in these regions. The resident cider drinking country yokels spend their time being concerned with other people’s business.
The other day I farted whilst having a good old dump and the entire population of North West Somerset knew about it. The entire population of Macher readers know my humble magazine has been in the shit quite a few(hundred) times.
The North Wales Constabulary blew a fuse over the shoplifting guide. The North Wales and the Greater Manchester Chigley Fire Brigades sprung a leak over the arsonist advert. A former BBC executive threatened to sue unless I apologised for crediting his name to a poem, and to top it all Geoffrey Dickens MP sent a copy of CRUD 7 to the Home Office for investigation after being appalled by it’s contents. Dare you buy CRUD?
On the 4Q front we’ve been quiet during the spring as I’m in Somerset, but also we’re tired of playing the same old dustbins and lavatories of Britain, and it’s given us breathing space to rehearse a more dynamic approach to our music.
In fact anyone who’s got our early recordings (i.e. 4Q 1 Leeds 0 / The Very Worst Of… / Brain Dead and Barmy In Brighton) might not recognise the songs we do now.
On a more localish note, Anti-apartheid groups of Liverpool University and Denbigh have got Crud listed as a National Front publication(!!!)
I see they’ve got hold of a half-baked story, thrown it in the frying pan and bingo! Another target.
What a bunch of turds. Allegations like that can completely ruin a person, even more so when they are totally unfounded. I’m just glad I didn’t bump into any of the organisations’ members when I first found out because I was very ANGRY.
I still want an apology, although I wlll settle for them to arrange an Anti-apartheid benefit concert with 4Q on the bill.
Right them me maties, keep stretching those condoms and buy lots of Crud so that I can be filthy rich and look down my nose at you all.
All the breast

Crud 7 is released

By |April 10th, 1989|0 Comments

Issue 7 of Crud fanzine was released today and once again made front page news when Colwyn councillers slammed the fanzine for running a ‘999 Fun Phone-in’ advert where it was suggesting you could have ‘hours of fun’ and ‘calls are free – just dial 999 from any call box and leave the phone off the hook.’ The story also ran in the Daily Mirror and the Greater Manchester Fire Chief appeared on BBC R2’s Jimmy Young show berating the fanzine’s ‘appalling lack of responsibility.’

This issue referenced the North Wales Police Chief, Gordon Anglesea, stating he had produced an acoustic demo-tape. He threatened to sue the fanzine..
As did former BBC journalist Arfon Roberts, who was falsely attributed to writing an obscene poem, he stated ‘I have been libeled by these horrible people and their horrible magazine.’

Neil Crud also received a threat of legal action from Express Newspapers for printing a cartoon of Rupert Bear growing cannabis. The zine, although still selling at 25p a copy, now had a print run of 5000 and had added record shops in North Devon as further outlets to North Wales, Liverpool, Manchester and Leeds.

Arfon Roberts sadly died in a fire a few years later.
Gordon Anglesea was convicted of paedophilia and jailed in Nov 2016 – he died a year later in prison.

Crud in Daily Mirror

By |January 7th, 1989|0 Comments

John Peel interview in Crud #6

By |December 28th, 1988|1 Comment

Having listened to John Peel since I was 12 years old, I thought I’d be cheeky and write to the Radio One DJ with a set of questions for my humble fanzine Crud. I was pleasantly surprised when he promptly returned the answered questions.
(click pics to enlarge and use zoom in your Explorer)

click continue to… err… continue!