I occasionally get drawn to the TV – shite TV. Yes I’ll watch a film most nights I’m not out, but that’s late on, usually after 11pm. What I’m talking about is shite TV – I mean soap operas…

Coronation Street..! I was drawn to the wedding of the err… ahem… year between Sarah and Jason. It would be crap if they managed to get married without a hitch – what sort of soap opera would that be like…! Every single one has a dramatic wedding, be it Eastenders, Neighbours, Emmerdale, Eldorado, Holly Oaks etc etc…

Sarah has a deranged half-brother called David Platt (not the ex-footballer) played by the highly believable (for a soap star) Jack Shepherd. The soon to be wedded couple are at the altar, but David has vowed [sic] to spoil their day and has gone missing, threatening suicide. Only Sarah and her mate know about this and tore up his ‘suicide note.’ Mother Gail Platt has informed the police that her son is merely missing and had taken his blue car. As the ceremony takes place, David drives his car into the Manchester Ship Canal.

Now this is where the barely believable story becomes ridiculously unbelievable…

The police turn up at the wedding – insisting to speak to Gail Platt just as her daughter is about to take her vows. They tell her a blue car was seen only a few minutes earlier by a member of the public being driven into the canal…

Now hold on a minute… They hadn’t seen the car themselves – the divers had yet to go in, and therefore the only news they had was from a witness. Find me a police force in the UK that would interrupt a wedding to tell the bride’s mother that someone has reported (not found) a blue car being driven into a canal…? And also a police force would can act quick enough to discover that the family are at a wedding in a church and not at home.

What a load of bollocks, – at least Stacey shagging her new husband’s Dad over on Eastenders was a little more believable, if not just as shite..!