Published in Macher fanzine – issue 7
One finds it increasingly difficult to explain the initial sensation of heat differentation when one immerses ones buttocks into a bath of steaming hot water. The same difficulty is encountered when I put the question to why I compile CRUD. The solution to both puzzling queries is similar – it gives me a hard on!!!!!!

CRUD 8 emerged a year ago, the long awaited CRUD 9 will be induced at hospital very shortly. The reason for such a long gap is that although most of you clean living twat bags would like to see there, I could have provoked HM Hit Squad into pushing a prison sentence my way, due to the fact I’ve been on bail for the previous 6 months. And all because I refer to nuns in a different way to Harry Secombe (I bet he thinks the same way though).

4Q as far as I’m concerned is over & done with, although I hear rumours that Cumi is determined to save his ego & flog the already rotting horse even further. If this turns out to be the case I want MACHER readers to know that I have nothing to do with 4Q anymore, & I am totally against non-original members using the name 4Q to pick up on a captive audience.

My plums are prickling on the thought of another MACHER. Dave has now become a legend among zine writers so keep supporting him you ungrateful cunts. That’s it until my next COMPOST CORNER, keep shooting your rocks off & saving your belly button fluff.