Published in Macher fanzine – issue 4

WHILST attempting suicide by smoking I seek inspiration on what to write for my fourth Compost Corner. And of course Crudmas is with us once again, a time to get pissed, stand at the back of the church when listening to Midnight Mass shout ‘Who Are you Giving one this Christmas vicar?’

A time to go carol singing and to piss down the letterbox when the occupant tells you to fuck off.A time to stuff yourself to the point of bursting and smear shit all over the TV screen as the Queen gives her speech (which is a load of shit every year anyway).

Regular Macherites will know I spent the summer in the South West working in a pub learning how to abuse tourists. I’ve concluded that there is nothing worse than the British tourist, they must be the most ill mannered pompous twats I’ve ever met.

Bands? Well 4Q have had a lot of confusion via the press! (or people who contacted the press-M). We should be gigging again by the time you read this so read ‘Sounds’ or ‘Kerrang’ for dates. I think U Thant and The Crumblowers are the first two Welsh bands to give me a hard on since I had a shower with Sion Sebon (he should never have bent over to pick up the soap).

As for English bands I can’t find anything promising, but in Scotland, Political Asylum are worth an earwig. CRUD 8 should be out by now so order a copy taday! If you want to subscribe, send £2 with your address and you’ll get the next five issues.

A quick carol: Good King Crudlas-las of Colwyn Bay, Had a good crap every day, Then one day he crapped so hard, His bum was sore so he soothed it with lard.

Thank you, goodnight and God bless. I love you all, see you in Macher 5. Drive home safely now!