Out of the depths of Colwyn Bay has emerged probably North Wales’ most controversial band.

4Q formed in May·87 & have since become notorious for their forthright views, controversial songs & numerous bans from concert venues. Now banned from almost every venue in North Wales leaving a trail of destruction in their wake the band quickly followed the examples of Anhrefn & started gigging in England.

The reaction has been good & now the band are hoping to sign up a record deal in the near future & end up as millionaires.

Describing themselves as Manic Rockers, the 4Q line up is NEIL CRUD-guitar/CUMI PANTS vocals/WAYNE THE BASTARD-bass/MATT VINYL-drums.

In an attempt to find out about the real 4Q, Macher went out on the streets of Colwyn Bay & found Neil & Wayne lying in the gutter. We eventually staggered back to Wayne’s flat where we drank some more, spoke bullshit & spewed up. The contents of the interview (complete with background belches & farts) are here for all to see. The questions is- are 4Q nasty villains, or misunderstood, clean living boys with hearts of gold? Read on…

NEIL: anything you buy from Kavicks self-destructs in 30 days

MACHER: What do you think of the idea of an English language Welsh rock fanzine?

NEIL: It’s fuckin terrible. I think you should scrap the idea & throw it in the bin right away.

WAYNE: I think it’s a great idea as it gets 4Q across to the Welsh public

(Several insults of Cumi follow, including suggestions that he’s gay & has a wide bottom)

MACHER: Tell me about your songs, Nein Werk for example.

NEIL: Nein Werk is about the Republican revolution in Sardinia. The reason for the revolt was because they didn’t like having their tinned tomatoes imported to Britain as they were pissed off seeing wankers driving round with fluffy dice in their Cortinas. (Belch; B-e-l-ch)

MACHER: I accept the importance of the tomatoes but what do you think of Lenny Henry?

WAYNE: He’s black.

NEIL: When I started my first job people used to say I looked like Lenny Henry.

MACHER: What did you really do in Bootle? (At the Anhrefn concert)

NEIL: I performed some un-natural acts with a microphone & my farts have been silent ever since.

(Interruption on TV programme -Guns·n·roses, followed by interview with girl who confronted Cumi at a gig about 4Q’s song ‘PMT’)

WAYNE: Watch this Dave, this is the fat cow who hassled Cumi about PMT

NEIL: Turn it off, she’s too fuckin fat & the programme’s crap (extremely loud belch)

WAYNE: Hooray

NEIL: What a fat slag, no wonder she suffers from PMT.

MACHER: Who is Cumi?

NEIL & WAYNE: Cumi got his nickname Cumi Pants cos he had white stains on his pants from when he was 13, & he smells like a cheesy knob. (Plus many unprintable insults, including, we haven’t got the heart to sack him)

(Wayne goes for a wee)

MACHER: (Extremely boring question) what are your favourite bands?

NEIL: Led Zep, Damned, Ruts, Anhrefn, 4Q, Cliff Richard, Elaine Paige especially that song she sang ‘Wasn’t he good’ about her encounter with a male sheep.

WAYNE: Hawkwind.

FART (Macher drops the first)

MACHER: If you had diarrhoea what would you do?

NEIL: Corwen (?)

WAYNE: Distribute it with the next AIDS leaflet. (Wayne applies for a rent rebate as flying beer cans damage his flat)

MACHER: Why the bad start?

NEIL: Chaos took the place of the music. Bad press. But did we give a shit Wayne?

ALTOGETHER: NO!!!

WAYNE: The room is now full of empty beer cans.

NEIL: Fuck off you twat (ear-deafening belch)

(Entertaining swear words on TV about Class War – N & W applaud)

MACHER: The question was why did the band start, not why the bad start. (Loud laughter)

NEIL: You illiterate twat. The band started because our original drummer hassled me for two weeks. We didn’t want to do it at first but soon got to like the idea.

FART- Neil in ·c· minor

WAYNE: We started the band because of frustration in Neil’s life (?). We also wanted to take the piss out of Filthy Rich.

NEIL: It took Filthy Rich six years & three name changes to get their first single out, which sold three copies a week in Colwyn Hay. It’s taken us a year & no name changes to became the wankiest band in North Wales.

MACHER: How far do you want the band to go?

NEIL: To become bigger than U2 and to be filthy stinking rich. Seriously, we’re in it for the hell of it. The money is & means very little. We’re in it to upset the narrow-minded bigots & to entertain fun loving people. If there’s one person in a gig & they clap, then we’re happy. We played in Bradford in front of 350 people & they sat there staring at us; we went home quids in but we hated it.

The rest of the interview must be edited because we ran out of beer err…I mean space. In short, many farts & belches followed. Welsh music except Anhrefn, U Thant & Yr Orsedd was slagged off.

4Q said they hated North Wales & mentioned Hebden Bridge as one of their greatest recent conquests.