– October 1987 –

1/YOU SEEM EASILY TO GET LOCAL PRESS COVERAGE, HOW COME? YOU BOYS SEEM NOT TO HAVE SUCH A GOOD REPUTATION AT HOME!
Neil: It’s cos we’re the only band worth mentioning in North Wales.  We’ve got a bad reputation as we’ve got a habit of closing down venues in our area, we once flooded a pub with a fire hose during a gig!
Wayne: It is true that we have a bad reputation in North Wales & very soon we’re going to have a bad reputation all over the f*cking world.
Cumi: It’s because of my amazing good looks & also because Wayne’s got a 30″ inverted penis.

2/WHAT IS THE WELSH WORD FOR COP & TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT THEM & THEIR BEHAVIOUR IN NORTH WALES?
Neil: Police in welsh is ‘Heddlu’. They are no different here than any other country.  A friend of ours is in prison at the moment for shooting a cop in the face.
Wayne: The WEelsh for cop is Yr Copper & all coppers are bastards even in a small quaint Welsh town.
Cumi:The Welsh word for cop is shitcoveredmotherfuckerwithnopenisorbrainwithatitonhishead. They walk around all day feeling small boys’ arseholes & 5 year old girls’ nipples.

3/MR.ALF NETTLETON; IS HE THE OUTERSPACE ALIEN I SAW ON TV RECENTLY?
Cumi: No, he’s just a fat fanny fart who we decided to victimize cos we didn’t like him.
Neil: No, Mr.Nettleton was an obstruction in my anal passageway.
Wayne: Oh definately.  Are you on LSD by the way?

4/EVER HAD PROBLEMS WITH VAGINAL WARTS?
Neil: Yes, 4 of them squatted my kitchen floor & I had to evict them with a smelly fart.
Wayne: No, the shop had sold out so I bought some AIDS.
Cumi: Well, I haven’t really got a vagina, except for the open wound on my head that smells of fish.  I’ve had VD, thrush, bum sores & a gammy arsehole, but otherwise I’m rather hygienic. By the way, if anyone wants a pet sparrow, I’ve got 12 baby ones living in my hair.

5/WHEN I READ THE PRESS ARTICLES ABOUT 4Q IN CRUD, IT SEEMS TO ME THERE’S LOTS OF FUN BUT NOT THAT MUCH MUSICAL ABILITY.  WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS WITH THE BAND?
Wayne: Our plans are to pick up the correct instruments when we go on stage & we might even learn to play them at some point in the next few months.
Cumi: I don’t know, I just sing, I have no brain.
Neil: When 4Q first began in May1987 none of us could play our instruments, so at gigs we would cause chaos & entertain the crowd as much as possible.  As you’ll hear from the tape, we have achieved a higher standard of musicianship, so we can also provide good music as well as giving people an entertaining night.

6/YOU INFORM THE PUBLIC THROUGH REGULAR PRESS RELEASES.  WHY & HOW IMPORTANT ARE THESE?
Cumi: Not really important, if people would open their f*cking eyes & see us instead of spending their money on drugs, then that would make my day.